Chimpanzee Trailer - And You Thought All They Could Do Was Masturbate

Apparently the hippies that run Hollywood haven’t come grips with the real and present danger that Chimpanzees pose to the human race. Chimps may look cute but they harbor a deep seated resentment towards humans and our fully developed brains. The Chimpanzee brain is only developed enough to express one emotion: Jealousy. For this reason, I can’t over-state how important it is that you sit your adorable little children down before they see this movie and you explain to them that CHIMPS ARE VICIOUS FACE EATING MONSTERS.

I wrote that in capital letters because I wanted to stress how much Chimpanzees are vicious, face-eating, monsters that stalk the Earth. I really can’t stress that enough. If you don’t believe me look at this:

http://www.esquire.com/features/chimpanzee-attack-0409-4

or this:

http://abclocal.go.com/wabc/story?section=news/local&id=7460649

or even this:

Now try watching this disgusting piece of pro-ape propaganda without shriveling up into the fetal position while you cry hysterically and ruin the movie for everyone. I don’t know about you but I hope Oscar the ape dies a horrible lonely death in a forest somewhere far away from our precious children. I’m already having enough trouble sleeping at night knowing that we live in world filled with germs, terrorism, and tidal waves. Now I have to worry about Ape attacks too? Sorry Disney, but I’m already too scared to let that happen.