So what I can gather is that a couple of hot teens/young adults/actors pushing thirty are looking for a sweet pad where they can totally crash and get super drunk with their buds. Why You Ask? Probably because it’s spring break and instead of going to Cancun and making all Mexicans regret NAFTA even more than they already do, they decide to go to an awesome cabin in the woods. I guess they read the wrong Craigslist listing. UNDERSTATEMENT.

Now they face something even more dangerous than Yagerbombs: The uh…I have no idea. But it’s something that’s super weird and frightening. My guess is that the charming cabin in the woods that they thought they were going to is actually a front for a secret government death cult that uses alien technology and lake monsters to torture hot teens that are just trying to get drunk and have sex without puking. Those bastards.

That means that lots of young people that you probably won’t care about are going to be butchered by something else that you don’t really care about. Luckily, there is one wise-cracking friend in the bunch. For some reason there always seems to be one. This person usually lives until the end of the movie due to their excellent comic timing and the fact that horror movies do better when there are zingers to punctuate each character’s completely unexpected and not over-the-top death sequence. 

Nonetheless, there is definitely something weird and somewhat skanky that is going to happen at this cabin. If you like that kind of thing (you perv) then this might be right up your pervy alley. Not me though. I’ll be at home watching the CW and trusting that my government didn’t spend a couple billion dollars creating a cabin encased by a force-field with which they would lure unsuspecting co-eds to their early death.